Anxiety

3 AM. Not time to get up. What wakes me up at this hour? Thoughts about going back to Missouri for Mother's Day weekend quick trip.  I've been excited to go and I want to go. It's so easy though to think things are on the up and up when I'm all the way out here. It's easy to focus on work when I'm out here. I don't want to see mom and see how much weight she's lost. I don't want to doubt the progress she's made. I want to keep believing whole-heartily. I know I also won't want to get back on the plane when it's time to return. I know that's going to be difficult. I don't want to go to work this morning. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't know if I'll be able to get out of bed. I don't want to face the barrage of my typical day before a four day weekend. If I go to work I don't get a chance to think about anything else. I could go to work right now. I'll just count. Focus on the numbers and the breathing. A little meditation on numbers to distract my mind. I'll just count.