Breast Stroke

Why is it that I can't get my legs in sync with my arms and adding my head is an additional complication? Swimming lessons as an adult who loves swimming are harder and I think it's mostly due to muscle memory. When you have no idea how to do something, it's so much easier to learn to do it correctly. How frustrating to be able to visualize how to do something, but your body says, "No this is how we've always done it!"

Monday I became absolutely convinced of the truth of muscle memory. When I tried to share my login for a database with someone and couldn't do it. I tried 4 times to login on his computer with my login and couldn't get it to work. When I went and sat down in my chair and at my own computer, I typed it in correctly first try. If I tried to slow down and pay attention to what I was typing, I couldn't do it! I couldn't generate my login. When I just started typing without thinking, I got the damn thing right each time.

Muscle memory. Amazing.

Anxiety

3 AM. Not time to get up. What wakes me up at this hour? Thoughts about going back to Missouri for Mother's Day weekend quick trip.  I've been excited to go and I want to go. It's so easy though to think things are on the up and up when I'm all the way out here. It's easy to focus on work when I'm out here. I don't want to see mom and see how much weight she's lost. I don't want to doubt the progress she's made. I want to keep believing whole-heartily. I know I also won't want to get back on the plane when it's time to return. I know that's going to be difficult. I don't want to go to work this morning. I don't want to get out of bed. I don't know if I'll be able to get out of bed. I don't want to face the barrage of my typical day before a four day weekend. If I go to work I don't get a chance to think about anything else. I could go to work right now. I'll just count. Focus on the numbers and the breathing. A little meditation on numbers to distract my mind. I'll just count.