Wednesday, April 18, 2012


Had one of those "oh duh" ah ha moments today. Do you ever find yourself saying something all the time and then realizing you haven't been truly applying it to your own life?? For the last few months, as I have been working full time and taking classes, I have been repeating the mantra to everyone, "I think I can learn anything if I just put in the time and it's really just a matter of time and effort. Given enough time, I can do it."

I have been thinking of this in terms of, I'll be able to pass that chem class or that physics course from hell if I just have enough time to study. I've been thinking, physics may be so hard for me that I just need more time on it than I have.

This morning I was sitting in my kitchen fretting over how much I needed to get done today but not feeling able to start because of a bad headache. The makes you queasy kind. Then I had a chain of thoughts that went like this:

  • I think my blind spot is bothering me -it's hard to tell if the bright white spot in my vision causes the headache or I'm noticing the spot more because I have a headache...
  • Maybe I overdid it this weekend using my eyes - looking at all the scenery on the way to SF, reading in the car/studying in the car, intensely using my eyes as I drove the streets of SF etc. 
  • Wow so much of what I enjoyed about this weekend has to do with having vision - being able to use my eyes. I'm so grateful for my vision. 
  • I'm so worried that I won't be able to keep up the pace in grad school the next four years due to my blind spot - that all the reading will tax my eyes and make my blind spot more noticeable, stress my good eye too much, lead to me not being able to do it. 
  • Hmm, wait a minute, maybe I will just need to go more slowly through the program?
  • Wait, that sounds a bit like "I can do it if I just give myself enough time." 
  • Wait, maybe the lesson from my vision loss is that I need to be more patient with myself. If I slow down, it doesn't mean I won't get where I want to go, I just may be more likely to make it there.... 
Hmm, maybe I need to apply my attitude toward the coursework to the rest of my life?? : )