James Franco Stole My Hairstyle

James, when you have naturally Bob Dylan hair, you have to get it wet in the morning. You can't just walk out the door, unless you put on a ball cap. It's not a style, it's a condition. 

Just Move

There are mornings where I wake up and tell myself, just move. I start to get lost in a sink hole of thoughts. Thoughts about work, thoughts about family, thoughts about my career, thoughts about upcoming projects and conferences. Thoughts that are half-finished before my brain moves on to the next. Anxious undercurrents. I interject, just get up. Just get showered. Go do yoga, do I have time, I need to be on time to work, did I snooze the alarm, what's up for today at work, did I take care of that contract, did I return that call, I should have planted the rest of the garlic this weekend, I didn't get the desk drawers cleaned out... wait, stop. Just move. Just roll over, shove your legs onto the floor, push up, feet in slippers, body toward the door, wrap yourself in the bath robe, get the bathroom light on. Get the shower turned on - don't want to waste water, that'll get me in the shower. Just move.

Morning thoughts for the week...

Didn't have my day off this week so I don't have one single posting. I can sum up what was going through my head this week though...

First off, how can a person not think about the earthquake, tsunami and then nuclear power plant explosions this week?? While what is first and foremost on my mind is the unimaginable situation people in the affected areas must be going through - I can't imagine trying to get through the next few months and then years really of clean-up and recovery.... I can't help but think about the earthquake that's due here. I have asked myself several times this week what kind of preparations have I made? Would they make a difference? How would you make them make a difference - how would you maximize your preparedness? I am certain that most folks in Japan were at least prepared for the earthquake and as much as possible, the tsunami. I am certain it made a difference in many cases.

Jovi and I have talked before about what we would do if an earthquake happened while we were at work, who would try to get home and who would stay sheltered in place. I know where our camp stove is, where our sleeping bags are. I know where the animal crates are. Would we be able to access them?  We have a barrel of rain water that could be used for drinking if boiled. We always have some canned food. I'm sure many other individuals and families on the West Coast are having the same conversations, if not together at least running through it in their minds. I go to bed each night so grateful not to have been in the disaster. So thankful to have shelter, a warm place to be in, no emergency to attend to (not at home), and that my family is all safe and healthy.

Hello, Good Morning

This is how I feel this morning:

It means, if I hold my eyes open enough, perhaps I will feel awake enough... It's also an "I feel pretty 'cause I had my brows waxed last night," look. I feel like brow waxing removes at least 3 years from my face :  )

Speaking of years, one of my morning thoughts this morning was that I want to have a big birthday party this year. Nothing fancy, maybe bowling like my friend Amy. Just thinking, this is the last time I get to celebrate a 30-something birthday so why not make a big deal out of it? 

I've also been waking up thinking a lot about attachment disorders, what that means to me now, how much I need to think about that and how much I can just "move on" and be in the moment. I'm choosing, when I am conscious of my thoughts about things, to try to take this in an in the moment, awareness challenge. More of a, what might this inform me about how I'm reacting to something or feeling about something right now. Ah therapy, to go once a week or every other week... 

Jumbled

Why did I schedule an 8 AM dental appointment on my day off - for two hours worth of dental work? 

I don't run. What the hell am I thinking? I will be the weakest link. Seriously, who conned me into this? AND I'm running in a tennis skirt? OK, the whole costume part sounds fun. 

Why did I volunteer to make the T-shirts? Oh, wait, I didn't Jovi did. Why am I making them on my day off?

I need to veg today, completely. Yesterday was emotionally hard. I am good at my job, but I don't like telling a family they have to leave when they are sitting in front of me in tears. 

I don't like seeing myself in the angry/sad teenager across from me. 

I love cuddling Jovi. 

Here puppy, come cuddle with us. 

Is that mud on your nose dog??

I need to call mom and grandma. 

My grandma rocks. She is so tough. 

I have attachment issues. Therapy was deep yesterday. 

I judge my own issues so much. 

I am about the happiest I've ever been. 

Catching up with Peter is hilarious. I love our email exchanges. I can't wait to see what he wrote last night. 

I love that there seems to be a thread now running throughout my life, the gap is closing and I feel more whole, more complete, more integrated. 

I loved my two and a half hour lunch with Chris. I love our discussions about life and creativity. 

Time to play music loud and get covered in paint again. 

Errands, schmerrands

Oh damn dental appointment. I could really write a lot this morning. 

Let it Come to You

SO I've been talking to my therapist about what's "next" for me. You know, what I want my next career to be. I don't want to just have a different job. I love my job in many ways and I work with great people. It's rewarding work. It's not like I want the same job at a different place. I don't at all. I want something entirely different. No on call phone 24-7 and not so much of the emotional gymnastics. I am thinking maybe I'll become an acupuncturist or something. My therapist says, "Just be open to something new and let it come to you." I'm like, "No, that doesn't work for me. I did that basically all through college and then I was stuck with low-paying entry jobs for liberal arts majors." I've made myself into a type A personality in the last decade and that's not who I've been the rest of my life. She said, "Start keeping a journal then of things that are interesting to you and then think about them and let things percolate." OK, probably not her exact words, but I like that she included some kind of action I could take : )  So I'm trying to percolate.

The other morning I woke up from a fabulous dream that included hot wax. No it wasn't that kind of dream! I dreamt I was taking a class on encaustic painting. I was making my first layers and feeling a little like I wasn't sure I was doing it right. Then, when I was a little way into the class, I stepped back from the piece and looked at it in the light. It looked great!

The next day I was talking to one of my coworkers about it and she mentioned there is a shop that gives classes on encaustic painting! She's going to forward me the info the next time they are offering workshops. Percolate, percolate.

Then I was asked to perform another wedding. Several friends have said I should do this on the side and that I could probably ask for a couple hundred bucks per wedding. Not sure I could get that much or that I'd want to do this for anyone but friends, but still.... percolate, percolate....

Trying to see opportunities in non-traditional places and work that doesn't look like typical work.

Percolate.

Sick, Snuggly, Mine - Weekend

I will sleep as late as a I want, I "don't" hear the dog, Jovi's turn.
I may agree to a "I'll make you breakfast if you get out of bed" bargain.
I will not shower.
I may take cold medicine and sleep longer.
I will run the fireplace even though it's probably 45 out.
I will wear Jovi's sweatshirt because I have no clean clothes.
I will download 20 bucks worth of music that makes me happy.
I will blog till it's time to eat again.
I will sip on this chai for hours.
I may go bra-less all day long.
I may make something or I may be completely unproductive.
I will daydream all day long.
Snuggly blankets, thick socks, puffy soft eyes,
there is comfort in the stillness required by being sick and on a Saturday....