I have been thinking of this in terms of, I'll be able to pass that chem class or that physics course from hell if I just have enough time to study. I've been thinking, physics may be so hard for me that I just need more time on it than I have.
This morning I was sitting in my kitchen fretting over how much I needed to get done today but not feeling able to start because of a bad headache. The makes you queasy kind. Then I had a chain of thoughts that went like this:
- I think my blind spot is bothering me -it's hard to tell if the bright white spot in my vision causes the headache or I'm noticing the spot more because I have a headache...
- Maybe I overdid it this weekend using my eyes - looking at all the scenery on the way to SF, reading in the car/studying in the car, intensely using my eyes as I drove the streets of SF etc.
- Wow so much of what I enjoyed about this weekend has to do with having vision - being able to use my eyes. I'm so grateful for my vision.
- I'm so worried that I won't be able to keep up the pace in grad school the next four years due to my blind spot - that all the reading will tax my eyes and make my blind spot more noticeable, stress my good eye too much, lead to me not being able to do it.
- Hmm, wait a minute, maybe I will just need to go more slowly through the program?
- Wait, that sounds a bit like "I can do it if I just give myself enough time."
- Wait, maybe the lesson from my vision loss is that I need to be more patient with myself. If I slow down, it doesn't mean I won't get where I want to go, I just may be more likely to make it there....
Hmm, maybe I need to apply my attitude toward the coursework to the rest of my life?? : )
